Keeping Your Relationship Healthy

If you are in a partner relationship, then you have likely been spending a lot of time together. Together time is great, but as we continue to do our part to protect others and keep our social bubbles small, even the healthiest of relationships can experience strain under these unusual circumstances. If this has been your experience, you are not alone. Chris Kraft, Ph.D., a psychologist and expert in relationships and sexuality offers a few ways to nurture relationships that are weathering the pandemic

Reach out and connect with other social supports

It’s unrealistic to expect that one person can meet all our needs. Keeping our social bubbles small puts increased pressure on relationships. Reflect on the balance that you have in your relationship right now: are you relying on your partner to meet all or most of your social and support needs? Have open and honest conversations about this balance. Intentionally reach out and maintain relationships with others.

Check-in

Be sure to check in often with your partner. Create space, a time to be together that is free from distractions where you can explore feelings and needs and talk openly and honestly about what you are experiencing. Taking a curious and compassionate approach can help to process and not take things too personally. If you think your relationship would benefit from counselling support, the UBC Employee and Family Assistance Plan offers short-term, free, confidential and qualified counselling support services.

The Extended Health Plan provides a 100% deductible for licensed psychologists, social workers or registered clinical counsellors (up to a maximum of $2,500 for eligible staff and faculty and each listed dependent per benefit year). There are also a number of helpful family and relationship articles available on the Worklife portal under the Health & Wellbeing tab

Be mindful about substance use

Turning to substances like alcohol to cope with increased stress and conflict can happen. A substance use problem occurs when using alcohol or other drugs causes harm to you or to others, for example causing problems in relationships (Healthlink BC). Ensure that you have effective stress-relieving activities and strategies that don’t involve substances and if you are concerned, learn about Canada’s Low-Risk Drinking Guidelines. UBC Human Resources has partnered with two substance use support programs to help you recognize your relationship with substances, and reduce or stop using, depending on your personal goals. Our Substance use and addiction support resources page showcases the services available to you and your dependents through EFAP, Extended Health Benefits, or pilot programs.

Manage expectations

Quality time and intimacy levels may have changed over the past year. Find ways to show appreciation, notice the small but significant things your partner does to show up every day. Reflect on their strengths to counterbalance when you feel annoyed or frustrated.