In the true spirit of the holiday season, I feel it is important that I not only be honest with myself, but with you as well. This fall was tough: it was probably the most demanding, hectic and draining fall that I have experienced in many years, at work and in my life outside of work. The upside is that I’ve been able to share my wellbeing work with large numbers of the UBC community, and that I’ve handed in my last school paper for the semester. It was a rewarding and meaningful time, both personally and professionally, and I hope the same is true for you. Even so, I’m conscious of the fact that my personal gas tank is hovering on empty as I push myself towards the finish line that is my holiday break. As we find ourselves in the middle of yet another busy season (one that is sometimes overshadowed by consumerism, busyness and all manners of excess), I’m experiencing a lot of internal questions:
Could I be doing more? Should I be doing more? Why do I feel guilty when I’m not working or studying? Have I let others down? Am I capable? What should success look like?
In sharing these vulnerable thoughts and insecurities recently with friends and now with you, I’m reminded of a practice that is often overlooked but one imperative to our survival – especially at this time of year: self-compassion.
What is self-compassion?
It is taking the time to treat ourselves the same way that we would treat a loved one, whether they’re two-legged, four-legged, winged, etc. It is acknowledging that we, too, deserve care and comfort during stressful and difficult times. It is the act of silencing our inner critic in the hope of accepting that we are entitled to a break.
Why is it important?
Self-compassion has been strongly linked to wellbeing. It can lead to reductions in negative mind states such as anxiety, depression, stress, rumination, thought suppression, perfectionism and shame. It has also been found to increase positive mind states like life satisfaction, happiness, connectedness, self-confidence, optimism, curiosity and gratitude [1].
How do you start?
Want to learn more?
Watch this two-minute video for tips on practicing self-compassion
Or, listen to this 10-minute guided meditation for self-compassion:
This holiday season, as a reminder of the true meaning and spirit of this time of year, I invite you to give yourself the gift of self-compassion. Take it slow and be kind in your expectations of the self. Cut yourself some slack. Find new ways to silence that internal critic and replace it with a voice of kindness and charity. And I promise to try and do the same for myself as well. As 2017 closes, let’s get ready to meet the New Year with fresh eyes and an open heart.
Warmest wishes,
Miranda
References:
This month’s Healthy Path is all about self-reflection and exploring our spiritual wellbeing, which is a fitting topic with the holiday season right around the corner.
Spiritual wellbeing is unique to each individual and involves values and beliefs that help provide a purpose in our lives. In general, spirituality is the search for meaning and purpose in human existence and can involve working to balance our inner needs with the rest of the outside world [1].
Spiritual wellbeing may not be something that you often think about, yet its impact and influence on your life is unavoidable. Spirituality also involves being tolerant of others’ beliefs and to live and act authentically in a way that is consistent with our values and beliefs. For some, spirituality may be equated with traditional religions such as Christianity, Hinduism or Buddhism, while for others, it may mean growing personal relationships with others or through a connection with nature.
You can live your life with purpose if you are purposely self-aware. If purposeful self-awareness is an unfamiliar concept, there are activities you can practice that can eventually instill self-awareness.
Nurturing our personal needs and allowing ourselves to truly relax, regenerate and recharge in meaningful ways is important for our own self-care. Keep in mind the big picture, think about what is meaningful to you, and be mindful of your surroundings to truly savour the moments and experiences you encounter this holiday season – whether it’s with your family, friends, strangers, other beings or with yourself.
Here are some articles for you by Shepell, UBC’s EFAP provider that can help you prepare yourself emotionally for the holiday season get-togethers with a guide to holiday peacekeeping. Learn how you can improve your relationships with others and improve your relationship with yourself.
Note: Please enter “University of British Columbia” as your organization to access Shepell articles.
Take a moment to reflect and evaluate your own spiritual wellbeing with this brief quiz:
If you answered ‘no’ to any of the questions, that may be an area to work on exploring and improving. These feelings may also be related to other causes and there are some resources available to help you understand them.
Ways You Can Improve Spiritual Wellbeing
1. Be still, be quiet. Take time for yourself, even if it is for five minutes as you wait for the bus or when you go to bed. Try to disconnect from electronic devices and just be in the moment.
2. Practice being non-judgmental and having an open mind. Take five deep breaths to gather your thoughts before responding or reacting to a situation or person.
3. Be mindful and/or meditate and/or do yoga.
4. Be kind to others and yourself.
5. Be grateful. Discover ways you can practice gratitude. (Note: Please enter “University of British Columbia” as your organization to access this article.)
6. Forgive. If it does not serve a purpose in your life and only causes you anguish, forgive and let it go.
7. Give back to others.
8. Become part of a community and maintain enriching relationships. Learn five ways to detox your relationships.
9. Remain receptive to pain or sorrow. These feelings can help us discover how spirituality can help us cope.
10. Do something outside of your comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to be challenged or to be (or act) silly. After all, the best memories are created when we come across unexpected moments, people or situations. They are often the ones we learn lessons from the most. These lessons allow us to discover nuances within ourselves and build our knowledge and values, thereby creating stronger meanings in our lives.
Reference:
[1] https://wellness.ucr.edu/spiritual_wellness.html
Photo credit: Melissa Lafrance
Welcome to December everyone! However hectic your fall term may have been, I hope it was meaningful and filled with success. We now find ourselves getting ready to launch into another busy season, one that can sometimes be overshadowed by consumerism, gift buying and all manners of excess.
I saw a really great ad the other day that urged: “Create memories, not garbage this holiday season”. In keeping with the newsletter’s theme of spiritual health this month, I want to share a gift with you that I hope will serve as a reminder of the true meaning and spirit of this time of year. My wish is that this gift will support you in making wonderful memories with family and friends as we approach the new year.
What is self-compassion? It is taking the time to treat ourselves the same way that we would treat a loved one or dear friend. It is acknowledging that we too deserve care and comfort during stressful and difficult times. It is the act of silencing our internal critic in the hope of accepting that we, like everyone else, are human and entitled to a break.
Experts believe that self-compassion involves three main actions:
Why is this important? I am reminded of the saying “Charity begins at home”. I believe that compassion begins within. In order to truly experience compassion and kindness for others, we must be willing to do the same for ourselves. We at UBC are fortunate to work with some of the most amazing, selfless and dedicated colleagues on this campus. If we truly want to continue supporting colleagues and serving students, we also need to be willing to go to bat for ourselves.
This holiday season I invite you to give yourself the gift of self-compassion. Cut yourself some slack. Silence that negative critic in your head and replace it with one of kindness and charity. Forgive yourself. Leave pessimistic self-talk and resentment behind and as 2016 closes, prepare to greet the New Year with fresh eyes and an open heart.
Warmest wishes,
Miranda
References:
https://www.scribd.com/doc/3550761/Shame-Resilience-Model-by-Brene
This month’s Healthy Path is all about self-reflection and exploring our spiritual wellbeing, which is a fitting topic with the holiday season right around the corner.
Spiritual wellbeing is unique to each individual and involves values and beliefs that help provide a purpose in our lives. In general, spirituality is the search for meaning and purpose in human existence and can involve working to balance our inner needs with the rest of the outside world.
Spiritual wellbeing may not be something that you often think about, yet its impact and influence on your life is unavoidable. Spirituality also involves being tolerant of others’ beliefs and to live and act authentically, in a way that is consistent with our values and beliefs. For some, spirituality may be equated with traditional religions such as Christianity, Hinduism or Buddhism, while for others, it may mean growing personal relationships with others or through a connection with nature.
You can live your life with purpose if you are purposely self-aware. If purposeful self-awareness is an unfamiliar concept, there are activities you can practice that can eventually instill self-awareness.
Nurturing our personal needs and allowing ourselves to truly relax, regenerate and recharge in meaningful ways is important for our own self-care. Keep in mind the big picture, think about what is meaningful to you and be mindful of your surroundings to truly savour the moments and experiences you encounter this holiday season – whether it’s with your family, friends, strangers, or with yourself.
Prepare yourself emotionally for the holiday season get-togethers with a guide to holiday peacekeeping. Learn how you can improve your relationships with others and improve your relationship with yourself.
Where ever you find yourself, take a moment to reflect and evaluate your own spiritual wellbeing with this brief quiz:
If you answered no to any of the questions, that may be an area to work on exploring and improving. These feeling may also be related to other causes and there are some resources available to help you understand them.
Reference
The spectrum of reasons why people become interested in meditation is vast. Choosing to meditate is a personal choice, and depends on many factors. If you are considering trying meditation, maybe you don’t know why you should meditate, other than the fact that mindfulness and meditation articles are everywhere in the popular media, encouraging you to do it.
After teaching over 1,000 people to meditate, the most popular reason people want to learn to meditate has become clear to me: stress management. For those who stick with the practice, what they soon realize is that the benefits are many and often wonderfully surprising.
It is challenging to succinctly define the benefits of meditation, because everyone is different and will benefit in their own unique way. Different types of meditation can produce different results. However, one thing is clear to me: if you cultivate the practice of meditation and make it part of your lifestyle toolkit, the more benefit you will see.
Simply put, here is why people meditate:
If you are already a meditator, keep observing your experiences in meditation and how it affects your daily life. If you are new to meditation, be open and curious, and learn to observe how it benefits you.
Wendy Quan, founder of The Calm Monkey, is the industry leader helping organizations implement mindfulness meditation programs and combining change management techniques to create personal and organizational change resiliency. She trains passionate meditators to become workplace facilitators through workshops and online training.
Wendy is a certified organizational change manager who has been recognized as a pioneer by the University of California, Berkeley and the global Association of Change Management Professionals. Her client list includes individuals from around the world and organizations such as Google. Her life’s purpose is to help people create a better experience of life.
The holiday season is upon us and my levels of anxiety are rising as I write about it. Far too often, a time of year, meant to remind us about peace, compassion, love and self-reflection, can instead lead us to batten down the hatches and to prepare for the worst.
We spend our time trying to “survive” the holidays and expend our energy rushing, buying and worrying instead of savouring an opportunity to connect with loved one and to care for ourselves.
Outside of a health care setting, self-care refers to the cultivation of self, focused on nurturing our personal needs and allowing ourselves to relax, regenerate and recharge in meaningful ways.
In anticipation for this year’s season, I am already managing my anxiety levels as I think about demands on my time, things to buy, party invitations and social commitments. This month I am sharing my holiday secret with you.
I have decided that my holiday helper will be a good book.
Books open windows to the familiar, the unknown, the ugliness in the world and the beauty of the human condition. They are powerful entities that provide readers with escapism, travel, comfort, terror, laughter and a chance to understand something more, outside of ourselves.
Did you know that reading books is good for your health?
Never underestimate the healing properties of a good book.
This month, I invite you to identify your holiday helper and administer a little self-care in order to delight in the moment, instead of just surviving through it.
What I have been reading lately:
References:
Bruneau, L. & Pehrsson, D-E. (2014) The Process of Therapeutic Reading: Opening Doors for Counselor Development. Journal of Creativity in Mental Health, 9, 346-365.
Djikic, M., Oatley, K., Zoeterman & Peterson, J.B. (2009) On Being Moved by Art: How Reading Fiction transforms the Self. Creativity Research Journal, 21:1, 24-29.
McArdle, S. & Byrt, R. (2001) Fiction, poetry and mental health: expressive and therapeutic uses of literature. Journal of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing, 8, 517-524.
Guest Contribution by Dr. Joti Samra
Gratitude – also known as thankfulness, gratefulness, or appreciation – involves acknowledging a benefit one has or will receive or experience.
Over the past decade, there has been increasing recognition of the importance gratitude has on our psychological and physical state of being. Individuals who actively engage in practices of gratitude feel better about their lives overall, are more optimistic about the future, get more restful sleep, and experience better overall health.
I encourage you to actively incorporate gratitude into your daily life for just one week, and observe the impact this has. Personally, I like to start my morning with a thought of gratitude, before my day even gets started. I express thanks for something or someone I have in my life, whether it’s my comfortable bed, my shower with running hot water, my good health, a close friend, or my twin niece and nephew.
It’s easy to get caught up in all the things we don’t have (most of us go through life doing “upward comparison,” which is comparing ourselves to people who have more of what we want or desire — but it is very humbling to do some “downward comparison,” to articulate and express appreciation for things you have in your life that others don’t have). It’s amazing what a shift in perspective this small exercise can create for your day.
Reminder: UBC staff and faculty who are enrolled in UBC’s extended benefits plan have $1,200 coverage per year to see a Registered Psychologist. Staff and Faculty also have access to UBC’s Employee and Family Assistance Program.
This article is adapted in part from an article Dr. Samra was interviewed in for City Life Magazine (http://www.citylifemagazine.ca/success_story/robert-herjavec-10-people-who-will-change-your-life/15476).
Dr. Joti Samra, R.Psych., is a clinical psychologist and organizational and media consultant. She is the host of OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network’s “Million Dollar Neighbourhood” and was the psychological consultant to CITY-TV’s “The Bachelor Canada”. She has also served as a psychological consultant and expert to a number of other TV shows and news outlets. Dr. Samra maintains a clinical practice in Vancouver. Her website is www.drjotisamra.com and she can be followed @drjotisamra.
I find that the stresses associated with the holiday season can often make it easy to focus on the things that drive me crazy about this time of year. The never-ending line ups, the throngs of cranky people, and an increased level of expectation placed on consumers that seems to run counter-intuitive to the ‘spirit’ of the season.
The real challenge at this time of year is not surviving the mall or a weekend with the in-laws, but instead, in reflecting on the true meaning of what that ‘holiday spirit’ signifies for each of us. For many, the holidays are a time closely associated with religious beliefs and traditions, and these often shape seasonal practices. For others, it may simply be a time to connect with family and friends or to get some much needed rest. Personally, though I am not particularly religious, I have always felt a very deep connection to something larger than myself, especially at this time of year.
It can be difficult to distinguish religion from spirituality, especially since these terms can mean something different to each individual. An article in the Journal of Advance Nursing provides the following definition:
“Spirituality is an inherent component of being human, and is subjective, intangible, and multidimensional. Spirituality and religion are often used interchangeably, but the two concepts are different. Spirituality involves humans’ search for meaning in life, while religion involves an organized entity with rituals and practices about a higher power or God. Spirituality may be related to religion for certain individuals, but for others, it may not be.”
Spiritual health is an integral component to our overall wellbeing; however, we often avoid talking about it because of how deeply individual and personal our spiritual beliefs can be. Spiritual factors can benefit our health through positive impacts on health behaviours, increased social support, and a sense of control and self-efficacy.
I like to think of spirituality as the ability to discover meaningfulness in our lives through happiness and self-awareness. Are we open to new experiences? Do we take time out to be grateful for what we have? Do we try our best to be non-judgmental? Do we reflect on how we treat others? Are we connected to our beautiful natural surroundings? The UBC Live well to learn well site provides a wonderfully open definition to spirituality: “take the time to discover more about yourself by writing in a journal, playing music, or painting as a way to let the creative juices flow and become more comfortable with yourself. Community involvement and volunteering are also great ways to foster spiritual growth.”
This December, I invite you to reflect on what the holidays mean to you personally. What is this time really about? Are you using it in the most productive way? For me, the holidays are a time to heal and to restore a part of myself that has perhaps been forgotten over the course of the year. I welcome the holidays, as I use this time as an opportunity to restore my faith in humanity, to allow me to slow down, and to remind me that there is hope and light and good in the world.
Wishing you and yours a happy and healthy holiday season.
All my best,
Miranda
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References:
Tanyi, R. A. (2002), Towards clarification of the meaning of spirituality. Journal of Advanced Nursing, 39: 500–509.
Thorense, C.E. (1999) Spirituality and health: is there a relationship? Journal of Health Psychology, May; 4(3):291-300.
Interestingly enough, there is no God in Buddhism, which makes it an unusual religion. Buddhism is really based on reverence for a principle, embodied in a historical person known as the Buddha. As the story goes, someone approached the Buddha, who was considered a great sage and teacher, and asked him, “Are you a god?”, or something to that effect, to which he replied, “No, I am awake.” The essence of mindfulness practice is to work at waking up from the self-imposed half sleep of unawareness in which we are so often immersed.
-Kabat-Zinn (1990) Full Catastrophe Living
Today, we find yoga and mindfulness-based programs in public health care, public schools, and workplaces. The 2011 Canadian census poll shows adherence to religion on a steady decline in Canada, and increasingly, Canadians are identifying as spiritual. While mindfulness has roots in Buddhism as well as other contemplative traditions, mindfulness practice popularized in North America is a secular practice of meditation, free from any religious doctrine and more focused on a science of mind. Western scientists have drawn on the expertise of long-term meditation practitioners, Buddhist monks, in order to deepen their understanding of mind and meditation. For example, the Mind and Life Institute has been leading dialogues and research in the area of contemplative neuroscience for over 20 years. These dialogues bring together leading researchers, neuroscientists and contemplatives such as the Dalai Lama, building a scientific understand of mind to help reduce suffering and enhance wellbeing.
Western and Eastern contemplative and psychological traditions have long asked questions about the nature and nurture of self. Stemming from a Greek philosophical perspective is “Know Thyself.” Eastern wisdom such as Buddhist psychology, grounds within ‘know no-self’ (Varela et al., 1991). Puzzling as this dichotomy may seem on the surface, the commonality that exists between them, namely the self, is a foundational element within spirituality, human development and mindfulness.
Farb and colleagues (2007) at the University of Toronto explored the relationship between self and mindfulness by comparing brain activation in a group of participants who went through an eight-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program to a wait-list control. Self-reference across time, referred to as narrative self, was compared to momentary self-reference, referred to as experiential self. The study found that participants who went through the MBSR training increasingly utilized areas of the brain associated with the experiential self. These biological markers are identifying different areas of the brain related to self that are active in processing information when more mindful. That is, when we are more mindful, we are activating our experience of self that is more in the moment as compared to our narrative conception of the self, referring to the common voice we identify within our minds. A past participant in a mindfulness course I taught expressed it this way:
Mindfulness meditation essentially helped me escape the hold of my mind. There is now a comfortable distance between my thoughts (i.e. my ego, or narrative self) and my deeper self. This “deeper” self is more real, and wiser. It can stand back and watch the trivial and often childish preoccupations of my ego. Now, when I start to play familiar records in my head, there is a part of me that honestly cannot take myself seriously. Spontaneously, I will begin to smile as I play the record, and increasingly, the record does not play. Past occurrences in my life that I exaggerated in my head as major “events” no longer have the same hold on me as they once did.
In spiritual terms, this relationship is often distinguished as (ego) self and (higher) Self, whereas the latter refers to a more relational and compassionate notion of self. The secular practice of mindfulness meditation, the mental exercise of returning to focus on the here and now with kindness, inspires insight and actualization of self. As we enter the month with the shortest days and greatest amount of darkness in the year, mindfulness can help us to rekindle our inner flame to shine out into the world.
Formal Mindfulness Practice
I invite you to try this 9 Minute Loving Kindness Practice (opens as audio file). This analytical meditation practice is different from a concentration meditation practice or open-awareness meditation practice. This practice is focused on cultivating loving kindness.
Informal Mindfulness Practice
I invite you to make the intention to open the heart in daily life and cultivate intimacy with the ordinary. Practice bringing this intention to yourself, with friends and at work. Experiment with your experience of this and see what you notice when you approach a situation with an open heart. Here is video to help get you started.
Mindfulness at UBC
Six-Week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program – MBSR@Work, begins Tuesday March 4, 2014
Sign up for Orientiation & Registration – January 21st, 10:00am-11:00am. Attendance in the orientation is mandatory in order to sign up for the full 6-week program.
Share Your Mindful Moments
Please share your reflections and mindful moments with us below in the comments section!
If you know someone at UBC who would be interested in reading this column, click the share button below.
References
Farb, N., Segal, Z. V., Mayberg, H., Bean, J., McKeon, D., Fatima, Z., Anderson, A. K. (2007). Attending to the present: Mindfulness meditation reveals distinct neural modes of self-reference. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 2(4), 313–322.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain and illness. New York: Dell Publishing.
Statistics Canada www12.statcan.gc.ca/census-recensement/2011/rt-td/index-eng.cfm
Varela, F., Thompson, E., & Rosch, E. (1991). The embodied mind. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press.